Burrito Peter

[sparkinyou]

Alright people, let’s do this one last time.
My name is exactly like it is on the name tag. Note the "B". It's an important distinction.
I was bitten by a radioactive spider.
And for the last twenty-two years I thought I was the one and only "Spider-Man".
I’m pretty sure you know the rest. You see I saved the city.
Fell in love.
I got married.
Saved the city some more, maybe too much...
My marriage got testy.
I made some dicey money choices.
(Don’t invest in a Spider-themed restaurant.)
Then like fifteen years passed./
I broke my back.
Got hit by a drone./
I buried Aunt May.
My wife and I... split up.
But I handled it like a champion.
‘Cause you know what? No matter how many times I get hit, I always get back up.
And I got a lot of time to reflect and work on myself.
Did you know that seahorses that they mate for life? Could you imagine a seahorse seeing another seahorse and then making it work?
She wanted kids and it scared me. I’m pretty sure I broke her heart.
Flash forward, I’m in my apartment doing pushups, doing ab crunches, getting strong-
When this weird thing happened. And I gotta say, weird things happen to me a lot. But this was real weird.
You see I was in New York, but things were different. Also I was dead. And blonde. I was kind of... perfect. It was like looking in a mirror. I have a feeling the thing that brought me here, was the thing that got him killed. You wanna know what happened next?
Me too.